The Power of Positive Self-Talk: How to Shift Your Inner Dialogue
"You're so stupid. You should have known better. What is wrong with you?"
I said to my friend in a room full of people.
I gripped my stomach as the words left my mouth. Tears welled up in my eyes.
She replied,
"You're never going to make it happen. What makes you even think you can? And I hate your hair."
Her voice cracked, barely able to finish.
We didn’t believe these words we were saying to each other. So why were we saying them?
We were in a self-love workshop at a yoga festival, and the teacher had asked us to write down the harsh thoughts we carried about ourselves. Then, we swapped papers with our partners and read their thoughts aloud to them.
That workshop was powerful for two reasons:
I had no idea those thoughts were even running in the back of my mind. I wasn’t actively thinking them or saying them in the mirror. But there they were, behind the curtain, yet very much running the show. As I’m sure it was for everyone in that room.
Most of us would never dream of calling a friend stupid, ugly, or incapable. So why do we say these things to ourselves?
Why our self-talk matters
Our internal dialogue shapes the way we see ourselves and the way we show up in the world. Every thought we think is like a seed—it can either grow into confidence, peace, and motivation, or it can grow into self-doubt, anxiety, and fear.
Research shows that negative self-talk can increase stress, fuel anxiety, and even impact our physical health by raising cortisol levels. On the other hand, positive self-talk is linked to better resilience, problem-solving, and overall well-being.
Our self-talk is the conversation we have more than any other. From the moment we wake up to the moment we fall asleep, it’s our constant background soundtrack. If that soundtrack is full of criticism and doubt, it chips away at our self-esteem. But if it’s encouraging and compassionate, it builds us up and gives us courage to live the lives we want to live.
The good news is, we don’t have to stay stuck in that negative soundtrack. With a little awareness and practice, we can start reshaping that inner voice into one that supports us instead of tearing us down.
How to Shift Your Self-Talk
1. Notice the voice.
Awareness is key. Take a few days to notice your thoughts when…
You’re getting ready for the day. Do you focus on what you don’t like about yourself—or what you do?
You’re applying for a job or working on your side hustle. Is your inner dialogue empowering or discouraging?
You’re going to a social event. Are you assuming people won’t like you before you’ve even walked in?
2. Ask: Would I say this to my best friend?
If the answer is no, it doesn’t belong in your self-talk either.
3. Flip the script.
Pick one or two recurring negative thoughts and practice shifting them:
“I have so many wrinkles” → “Look how my eyes shine in this light.”
“I’ll never figure this out” → “I’m learning as I go, and that’s okay.”
“I’m awkward, people won’t like me” → “I’m quirky, and the right people will stick.”
4. Rethink affirmations.
Repeating “I am confident” when you don’t feel that way can make things worse. Instead, use affirmations that feel true while building toward what you want:
Swap “I am confident” with “I’m becoming more confident every day.”
This encourages growth instead of denial and reminds you to take small, real steps toward confidence.
5. Choose consistency over perfection.
You’re going to falter and fall back into negative thought patterns. It’s inevitable. When this happens, it’s important not to beat yourself up. The key is building habits that help you catch yourself and shift back quickly. That’s why I added a habit tracker to my Elevate Your Life Planner. Seeing the reminder every day helps me stay mindful of my self-talk and notice patterns before they take over.
Speak Kindly About Yourself
That workshop changed my awareness of my self-talk. From that day, I vowed to myself that I would speak to myself like I would my best friend and stop being my harshest critic. I still falter and I still have to reel myself back in more often that I’d like to admit. But the more I practice, the more it becomes second nature.
So next time you catch yourself thinking something negative, pause and ask: Would I say this to someone I love? If not, try again.
Your self-talk is powerful. Make it a voice that lifts you up.
With love,
Sara
