The Power of Positive Self-Talk: How to Shift Your Inner Dialogue
There I was, in a room full of people, saying to my friend,
"You're so stupid. You should have known better. What is wrong with you?"
I gripped my stomach as the words left my mouth. Tears welled up in my eyes.
She replied,
"You're never going to make it happen. What makes you even think you can? And I hate your hair."
Her voice cracked, barely able to finish.
The words felt wrong and unbearable to say. So why were we saying them?
We were in a self-love workshop at a yoga festival, and the teacher had asked us to write down the harsh thoughts we carried about ourselves. Then, we swapped papers with our partners and read their thoughts aloud to them.
The workshop was powerful because I had no idea those thoughts were even running in the back of my mind. I wasn’t actively thinking them or saying them in the mirror. But there they were - behind the curtain, yet very much running the show. And I’m sure it was the same for everyone else in that room.
Why our self-talk matters
Most of us would never dream of calling a friend stupid, ugly, or incapable. Yet, that’s the subconscious voice we all have, shaping how we see ourselves and how we show up in the world.
Our thoughts create our reality, and we are often our own worst critic. As Buddha said, "We are shaped by our thoughts; we become what we think."
The good news is that this works both ways—if negative thoughts shape us, positive thoughts do too. By becoming aware of the way we talk to ourselves, we can start shifting our inner dialogue to be kinder, more supportive, and empowering. Here’s how to start.
How to Shift Your Self-Talk
1. Notice the voice.
Awareness is key. Take a few days to notice your thoughts when…
You’re getting ready for the day. Do you focus on what you don’t like about yourself—or what you do?
You’re applying for a job or working on your side hustle. Is your inner dialogue empowering or discouraging?
You’re going to a social event. Are you assuming people won’t like you before you’ve even walked in?
2. Ask: Would I say this to my best friend?
If the answer is no, it doesn’t belong in your self-talk either.
3. Flip the script.
Pick one or two recurring negative thoughts and practice shifting them:
“I have so many wrinkles” → “Look how my eyes shine in this light.”
“I’ll never figure this out” → “I’m learning as I go, and that’s okay.”
“I’m awkward, people won’t like me” → “I’m quirky, and the right people will stick.”
4. Rethink affirmations.
Repeating “I am confident” when you don’t feel that way can make things worse. Instead, use affirmations that feel true while building toward what you want:
Swap “I am confident” with “I’m becoming more confident every day.”
This encourages growth instead of denial and reminds you to take small, real steps toward confidence.
5. Choose consistency over perfection.
You’re going to falter and fall back into negative thought patterns. It’s inevitable. When this happens, it’s important not to beat yourself up. The key is building habits that help you catch yourself and shift back quickly. That’s why I added a habit tracker to my Elevate Your Life Planner. Seeing the reminder every day helps me stay mindful of my self-talk and notice patterns before they take over.
Speak Kindly About Yourself
That workshop changed my awareness of my self-talk. From that day, I vowed to myself that I would speak to myself like I would my best friend and stop being my harshest critic. I still falter and I still have to reel myself back in more often that I’d like to admit. But the more I practice, the lighter I feel.
So next time you catch yourself thinking something negative, pause and ask: Would I say this to someone I love? If not, try again.
Your self-talk is powerful. Make it a voice that lifts you up.
With love,
Sara
